Hebrews 12:15 (ESV) See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

Forgiveness is one of those things that is easy to talk about but hard to carry out. This is why Jesus taught us to be people of action and first initiative when it comes to offenses. Whether you are the offender or the offended, you have the obligation to make the first move towards reconciliation.

As an offender…

Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV) ²³ So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there before the altar andgo. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Let’s face it. We will all offend someone at some time in our lives.  Most offenses may not be intentional, but they happen. Jesus says that your fellowship with other believers is more important than your worship. Actually, when you are out of sorts with others, your worship is so distracted that you are not thinking about God, you are just going through the motions. It’s important to notice that as an offender you may not realize you offended anyone. But when you do realize it, there should be nothing standing in your way from fulfilling your obligation of going to the offended individual and seeking to be reconciled. Granted, you can’t change the way they may feel. They may not want peace. In fact, they may be content with holding on to a grudge and in doing so they are violating God’s Word. As a person who has offended, once you realize it, you have the obligation to go to the person.

Romans 12:18 (ESV) If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. You may not be able to change others, but you can bring yourself under the subjection of God’s Word and seek to live at peace with all, especially those you may offend.

As the offended…

The obligation to make reconciliation does not end with those who offend. There is an obligation of those who have been offended to reconcile with the offender.

Matthew 18:15-17 (ESV) ¹⁵ "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

This is one of the hardest things to teach and to practice. Most people think that we have no obligation to forgive and reconcile until the offender comes forward and admits guilt. This lesson in the offended going to the offender for the purpose of reconciliation rather than retaliation is exactly what God did as the offended, coming to us - the offenders, to reconcile and bring us together in peace.

2 Corinthians 5:18-21 (ESV) ¹⁸ All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; ¹⁹ that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. ²¹ For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Reconciliation and forgiveness are not easy. It can only come with the help from God. God honors His Word and our obedience to His Word, even in the practical admonition about carrying out forgiveness.

Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV) ¹² Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, ¹³ bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV) ¹⁴ For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, ¹⁵ but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

How can I forgive the offender?

Matthew 5:43-45 (ESV) ⁴³ "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

When you are asking God for the grace to forgive, it’s also appropriate to pray for the offender every time you think of the offense, or every time you think of the offender. Otherwise, if you dwell on the offense or dwell on the offender you will develop a spirit of retaliation and/or hatred for them. In turn, you become bitter which causes you to miss out on enjoying God’s flow of grace in your life.

Do you feel like you are enjoying the fullness of God’s blessings in your life? If not, take a look at the hurts you have had in the past. Is there any lack of forgiveness and bitterness? If there is, it’s time to repent and seek God’s forgiveness for this sin, to pray for the grace to forgive, to pray for the person who offended you, and to go at once to seek reconciliation. If there are people that you do not have the opportunity with whom to reconcile, it would be good to find ways of expressing the desire for peace with a friend or counselor.

In Hebrews 12:15 we are told to guard against the root of bitterness. Like roots that close off a pipeline, there is an application of a rotor–rooter to cut down the bitter root from within the pipe by doing what God says regarding reconciliation.  There is also the regular application of root killer which is the application of God’s Word on a daily basis. If left alone, the root cuts off the flow of the pipe.  In the same way, if bitterness is left alone it will stop the flow of God’s grace in our lives.  None of us can afford that. 

Godspeed,